Not everyone in the world has experienced a loss of a family member, and not every family has been pulled closer by the aftermath of the death. Our family has gone through both of these experiences, with the passing away of my Great Grandpa at the age of 96.
Last spring, Great Grandpa caught a common cold. But after a while, the cold didn’t go away, but got worse. After going to the hospital, the doctor reported that Great Grandpa had pneumonia. My whole family was trying to get all sorts of tips and medicines for helping treat pneumonia and even some traditional secret recipes, too. But even with everyone’s effort, the stuff did not help the sickness, and my Great Grandpa was deteriorating, despite all his mental might to survive.
By now, almost every relative was taking some time off from jobs to see Great Grandpa, and to keep him occupied. My grandpa took fewer business trips in order to care for him more. Uncle was able to get a small portable oxygen tank for him, and brought a small cot to Great Grandpa’s house, so that Uncle could be there to tend to his needs. Every one of the skilled chefs in our family also made their best soups and dishes in an attempt to feed Great Grandpa, who was now losing his appetite.
My dad flew back to China as much as possible to visit Great Grandpa and give him company. After getting sick, Great Grandpa had become severely confused. Many relatives, like my dad, came and talked to him to help him use his brain more. Mom and I also helped out by Skyping and calling Great Grandpa almost everyday, asking how he was and chatting about the regular day to day gossip.
Summer vacation came along, and I was able to talk face-to-face with Great Grandpa. He still had his usual slow Mandarin, and still had his big smile, but his physical state had changed. He old yet fit body was gone, replaced by a slouching and sagging posture. His hacking coughs weren’t very pleasing sounds to hear, but overall, I was still happy to see Great Grandpa again.
After several more weeks of critical sickness and lack of nutrients, Great Grandpa passed away peacefully last December, with almost the whole family crowded around the small white bed containing the even smaller frame of my Great Grandpa. Minutes after the death, right when Mom was picking me up from school, we heard the news.
I thought that this experience with the passing away of Great Grandpa pulled the family closer by helping us learn how to live with the loss. At first, we all tried to forget the pain, and to push it out of our lives. But then, Mom had the awesome idea of pulling out pictures of Great Grandpa from before, and chatting about the stories behind the pictures. We started reliving happy memories of us with Great Grandpa.
Mom shared these old picture with some relatives back in China, and from what we heard from Grandma, the pictures have been spreading through our family faster than Great Grandpa used to bike to the bank to check on his money. Back at our home here, Mom and I exchanged fun stories of Great Grandpa on vacation with us in Taiwan, and at one Chinese New Year Party when I was little, in which Great Grandpa had too many drinks, and started dancing crazily with one of my aunts. She was a bit shocked, but danced quite nicely with her 90-year-old partner.
My favorite scene with Great Grandpa that I shared with my mom was once, when Grandpa and I were visiting Great Grandpa last summer, he was justing waking up from a long nap. Great Grandpa was a bit groggy when he answered the door. The moment he laid his eyes on me, he yelled, “There’s a crazy Japanese guy at my door!” But luckily, Grandpa charged in, calmed him down, and told Great Grandpa who I was.
Through the last few months of Great Grandpa’s life, and the years following that, everyone wassupporting each other. Nothing can bond a family closer than losing a shared loved one. From this
experience, I learned to never turn your back on the memory of the loss. Instead, bring out the happy
parts of the memories and keep them forever inside you.